I’ve written before about how boring I have become since popping out three little people. The things that my mind now ponders on would send the most insomniac person into a coma.
It is just that there is now so many tedious tasks and chores that must be completed to make it to the end of the week – from remembering to buy toilet roll to thinking about washing out the wheelie bin.
Motherhood has rendered me vapid with a capital V. Unless I have had three glasses of wine then I am basically annoying awesome. Oh yes I am. Anyone will tell you!
10 most boring things I will say this Christmas
- Are you all set for Christmas? (to everyone I meet; said from November 10th)
- Where are you having your Christmas dinner? (to everyone I meet; said from November 10th)
- Do you have any Elsa dresses? (to everyone I meet; said from November 10th)
- I need snowman kitchen roll.
- I am going to write my Christmas cards tonight.
- What is so and so’s baby boy called? You know the one they had five years ago. Begins with a P or an S? Or was it a girl? (to the husband whilst writing Christmas cards)
- I’m off to buy a sparkly top.
- If I go to (insert supermarket) and spend £390 then I get £3 off.
- Do you want to see what I’ve brought? (to the husband every day for everything purchased from November 10th; even a box of Twiglets)
- What is this reindeer food that everyone is making?
- Will I look like a tramp if I put second class stamps on the Christmas cards?
- Will I look like a tramp if I don’t send Christmas cards?
- Where did I put the decorations?
- Oh yum peanuts.
- Oh yum Mini Heros.
- Oh yack dates.
- Why don’t they just make some more bloody Elsa dresses?
- If I don’t go the shop at 5.30am all the turkeys will be sold out (like the Elsa dresses).
- Should I buy this sparkly top that looks so very like the sparkly top I got last year and the one the year before?
- How the blinkin’ heck do you make reindeer food?
- Spend 156 hours looking for a Christmas present for Granny before buying her another scarf
- Hoover and mop the floors for Christmas 23 times
- Tidy up for Christmas 38 times
- Go to 67,890 shops looking for an Elsa dress
- Wrap presents early and then forget what they all are and have to unwrap and start again on Christmas Eve
- Buy a Radio Times and highlight all the things I want to watch
- Cry at Christmas adverts. Still! After the 90th viewing!
- Research turkeys on the Internet
- Buy a Celebrations tub for a mate, eat it during X factor final, buy another one, eat it. Repeat. Repeat.
- Google reindeer food
- Who wants another Baileys?
- Oh is that Sara Lee Double Chocolate gateau?
- I’ve just finished work for two weeks
- Who likes my Christmas pyjamas and socks?
- Another Baileys anyone?
- No mummy is not spunk drunk.
- Darling, yes it is okay to change your mind about an Elsa dress two days before Christmas. Santa won’t mind.
- Of course I’ll take that Crunchie off your hands. They only put them in the selection boxes for the mummys.
- More Baileys?
- See you in the pub in half an hour. And YES I am wearing a sparkly top.
|Gabe says: “It is the season to be jolly mundane”|