10 most boring things you will say this Christmas

I’ve written before about how boring I have become since popping out three little people. The things that my mind now ponders on would send the most insomniac person into a coma.

It is just that there is now so many tedious tasks and chores that must be completed to make it to the end of the week – from remembering to buy toilet roll to thinking about washing out the wheelie bin.

Motherhood has rendered me vapid with a capital V. Unless I have had three glasses of wine then I am basically annoying awesome. Oh yes I am. Anyone will tell you!

Christmas seems to bring out the worst in me. I am a one women juggernaut of commonplace conversation. My chat is more ho hum than ho ho ho!

10 most boring things I will say this Christmas

  1. Are you all set for Christmas? (to everyone I meet; said from November 10th)
  2. Where are you having your Christmas dinner? (to everyone I meet; said from November 10th)
  3. Do you have any Elsa dresses? (to everyone I meet; said from November 10th)
  4. I need snowman kitchen roll.
  5. I am going to write my Christmas cards tonight.
  6. What is so and so’s baby boy called? You know the one they had five years ago. Begins with a P or an S? Or was it a girl? (to the husband whilst writing Christmas cards)
  7. I’m off to buy a sparkly top.
  8. If I go to (insert supermarket) and spend £390 then I get £3 off.
  9. Do you want to see what I’ve brought? (to the husband every day for everything purchased from November 10th; even a box of Twiglets)
  10. What is this reindeer food that everyone is making?
10 most boring things I will think this Christmas
  1. Will I look like a tramp if I put second class stamps on the Christmas cards?
  2. Will I look like a tramp if I don’t send Christmas cards?
  3. Where did I put the decorations?
  4. Oh yum peanuts.
  5. Oh yum Mini Heros.
  6. Oh yack dates.
  7. Why don’t they just make some more bloody Elsa dresses?
  8. If I don’t go the shop at 5.30am all the turkeys will be sold out (like the Elsa dresses).
  9. Should I buy this sparkly top that looks so very like the sparkly top I got last year and the one the year before?
  10. How the blinkin’ heck do you make reindeer food?
 
10 most boring things I will do this Christmas
  1. Spend 156 hours looking for a Christmas present for Granny before buying her another scarf
  2. Hoover and mop the floors for Christmas 23 times
  3. Tidy up for Christmas 38 times
  4. Go to 67,890 shops looking for an Elsa dress
  5. Wrap presents early and then forget what they all are and have to unwrap and start again on Christmas Eve
  6. Buy a Radio Times and highlight all the things I want to watch
  7. Cry at Christmas adverts. Still! After the 90th viewing!
  8. Research turkeys on the Internet
  9. Buy a Celebrations tub for a mate, eat it during X factor final, buy another one, eat it. Repeat. Repeat.
  10. Google reindeer food
Then there are the awesome things I will say this Christmas…
  1. Who wants another Baileys?
  2. Oh is that Sara Lee Double Chocolate gateau?
  3. I’ve just finished work for two weeks
  4. Who likes my Christmas pyjamas and socks?
  5. Another Baileys anyone?
  6. No mummy is not spunk drunk.
  7. Darling, yes it is okay to change your mind about an Elsa dress two days before Christmas. Santa won’t mind.
  8. Of course I’ll take that Crunchie off your hands. They only put them in the selection boxes for the mummys.
  9. More Baileys?
  10. See you in the pub in half an hour. And YES I am wearing a sparkly top.
Gabe says: “It is the season to be jolly mundane”

22 Comments on 10 most boring things you will say this Christmas

  1. Brandyn Blaze
    December 2, 2014 at 7:50 pm (8 years ago)

    Sounds about right! The whole holiday thing is so much more tedious as an adult!

    Reply
  2. Beth Twinderelmo
    December 2, 2014 at 8:28 pm (8 years ago)

    I have to ask – DID YOU GET AN ELSA DRESS?!?!?
    These are hilarious. So funny and so bloody true. Dates – who eats dates?!?!

    Reply
  3. Mardy Kerrie
    December 2, 2014 at 10:36 pm (8 years ago)

    Ha ha brilliant. Frigging Elsa dresses!!! :) x

    Reply
  4. Amy C
    December 3, 2014 at 7:12 am (8 years ago)

    Lol. I love this. By the way, I'm your man for the inside scoop on reindeer food as I was made to run the reindeer food stall at the preschool Christmas fair. Ask me anything!

    Reply
  5. MyLifeMyLove
    December 3, 2014 at 9:39 am (8 years ago)

    Haha, this is brilliant! I laughed out loud! Ill look on Pinterest for reindeer food! xx #sharewithme

    Reply
  6. Lauraevelyn bee
    December 3, 2014 at 1:06 pm (8 years ago)

    he,he! Such a funny post! And I say waaaaay too many things on your list!!!
    #sharewithme

    Reply
  7. Kelly
    December 3, 2014 at 1:44 pm (8 years ago)

    This is hilarious! Love it. And everything you say is so true. Cheers to another Baileys! #sharewithme

    Reply
  8. Samantha P
    December 3, 2014 at 7:54 pm (8 years ago)

    So glad I don't have a girl and therefore: no hopeless search for an Elsa dress! Huzzah! And there are no more Grannies left in the family! Huzzah! (Sorry Grannies) On the downside, I do still have to do a lot of deck clearing which is definitely a vapid and tedious job :-) #sharewithme

    Reply
  9. Tarana Khan
    December 3, 2014 at 8:37 pm (8 years ago)

    I hope you find that Elsa dress, in case she still wants it!

    Reply
  10. Spidermummy
    December 3, 2014 at 9:15 pm (8 years ago)

    hahahaa love this post!! Blooodddyyyyy Elsa dresses!!!!!

    Reply
  11. Janine Dolan
    December 3, 2014 at 10:10 pm (8 years ago)

    Hilarious post and some of those questions I ask myself.

    Reply
  12. brummymummyof2
    December 4, 2014 at 9:16 am (8 years ago)

    LOVE THIS! It really really made me laugh! As I ALWAYS think will I look a tramp if I use second class stamps!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! x

    Reply
  13. Wicked World of Lucas
    December 4, 2014 at 9:40 am (8 years ago)

    This is brilliant and I have asked/thought several of these things. Reinder food is rabbit/guinea pig food with some special magic dust which surprisingly looks a lot like glitter!!! Apparently Rudolph and Co love it!!! #sharewithme

    Reply
  14. Wicked World of Lucas
    December 4, 2014 at 9:43 am (8 years ago)

    Lucas says – I have a few things I always say at Christmas too. 1) Is 0400 too early to wake up at Christmas? 2) Can I have Haribo for breakfast on Christmas Day? 3) Can Ash have Haribo for breakfast on Christmas Day? 4) Has the Mother drunk all of Santa's sherry? he he #sharewithme

    Reply
  15. Jenny Ripatti-Taylor
    December 7, 2014 at 9:56 pm (8 years ago)

    Hahaha absolutely brilliant. You always make me laugh. So clever lady and so true. I can see this all happening here too. lol Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. Happy Holidays! #sharewithme

    Reply
  16. ghostwritermummy
    December 8, 2014 at 2:17 pm (8 years ago)

    Haha brilliant! I think you summed it up for us all in this post x x

    Reply
  17. Hurrah For Gin
    December 9, 2014 at 1:38 pm (8 years ago)

    Oh i love this Alison!! So true – 'do you wan't to see what i've bought?' even i am annoying myself with that especially as most of its a total waste of money.
    Luckily we are a frozen free household here so no stress there x

    Reply
  18. Steph Douglas
    December 10, 2014 at 7:18 am (8 years ago)

    This has tickled me – so, are you all set for…GAH! Have a magical one you lovely lady xx

    Reply
  19. Emma Martin
    December 17, 2014 at 1:43 pm (8 years ago)

    Hee hee hee! I have said, thought and done all of these already! I think, perhaps, we were separated at birth? :) Fab post pet! Xx

    Reply
  20. Wry Mummy
    December 19, 2014 at 10:21 am (8 years ago)

    Brilliant, Ali! Re-wrapping the presents – oh Gawd! Chink chink *raises virtual Bailey's*

    xxx

    Reply

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