That shower from Game of Thrones are always banging on about the winter, yet here in our tiny isle we are getting ready for the advent of British Summer Time. It is an unique little event that if you blink you could actually miss it. Nevertheless, as we are optimistic souls, we like to have a good long running jump at it before it actually gets here. We are all about the prep us Brits.
1. Our outfits start getting a bit deranged. You’ll spot people on the streets in full length coats and flip flops or you’ll loll around the house in vest tops and Christmas bed socks.
2. There will only be two days in the whole season that you get your ensemble spot on. Every other day you’ll change 52 times as the sun plays peek-a-boo.
3. The days get longer as our beloved offspring decide they like waking with the birds at 4am.
4. Yet despite the extra hours, we turn into screaming banshees as we run out of time each morning slathering factor 50 sun cream on three wriggling, protesting tots.
5. We reach new heights of Mummy guilt as we obsess about whether that tiny spot on their knee that we missed in the mayhem will be a huge sun blister by the end of the day (even when the forecast is cloudy with a hint of frost).
6. In our heads we will be beach babes. In reality we’ll rock crystal meth swank with our itchy red eyes and runny hay fever noses.
7. You will get a fright again and again when you look down and see your scary white glowing feet (please alert NASA in advance).
8. That midge will chomp you in between the boobs every single freaking time.
9. We’ll drag out the patio furniture and imagine relaxing al fresco meals. Then you remember the bast**d wasps.
10. You will spend the equivalent of a month of the summer season queueing for ice cream.
11. You need Sherlock to solve the mystery of the missing summer clothes – you know you put away three suitcases worth last year but when you open them there is only one dodgy flowery top and a skirt two sizes too small.
12. Every time you see an ant you will start mentally preparing yourself for the horror that is Flying Ant Day.
13. You try and channel Coachella festival boho-chic (again). And fail (again).No one looks good in tassels in the rain.
14. You feel awesome because you have salad with everything – cheese burgers, hot dogs, ice cream, strawberry cheese cake. Even candy floss. You are an advert for healthy living.
15. You buy fake tan and smell like digestive biscuits for the whole of May and June until the sun turns your skin from light blue to white.
16. You debate getting a cleaner (again) or even (ahem) actually cleaning as the sun shows up every speck of grime and dusty cobweb that has been festering in your corners since bonfire night.
17. You’ll feel all energetic and attempt crazy things like playing rounders, bouncing on the trampoline, rolling down the hill or doing a show off cartwheel. It will always end badly. So so badly.
18. You’ll announce on Facebook every time you put the heating on (which will be every day).
So enjoy the season that promises all things beginning with S.
You know like strange dark patches in sandpits, sweaty armpits, dead slugs in the paddling pool, sunburn and screaming over dropped ice-cream cones.
Hang on… when is winter coming?
|Mum can we take our coats off now? Everyone else is wearing bikinis.|