You know I love you to the moon and back. Let me prove how much:
- I promise to wake up early everyday (even before the birds) so we can have longer days together.
- Rather then shout at you and risk waking up the man existing next to you (aka daddy) I will wriggle around and put my bum in your face instead (soz if it’s a bit smelly).
- Or if you prefer I can wake you gently by sticking my fingers in your mouth. They will be nice and warm from being inside my nappy.
- I have decided that I do not need to go to nursery anymore and you can give up your job. We can then spend hours at the park and you can push me on the swing until your arms fall off. Obvs I expect you to say “hello” and “goodbye” with every SINGLE push. That cracks me up.
- When we come home we can watch In the Night Garden together – I may do other stuff like bang my drum (jeez don’t you know those programmes can rot my brain) but I insist that you do not move or turn the TV over. Okay.
- Please do go upstairs to the bathroom, but know this I will sit at the bottom of the stairs and wail loudly so that you don’t forget me. Who loves you? I do!
- Same for trying to eat lunch without me on your lap. That would be plain daft. Don’t make me do a protest poo (of the leaky variety).
- And cooking dinner. Wake up and smell the beans on toast – no one eats it anyway.
- I should be all you need forever so if the phone rings and you answer it, I will have to take drastic action and start painting the sofa with sudocrem. You screamed in delight last time.
- I will let no one NO ONE else give me my milk. Only you. Always. And forever (two hearts beating as one).
- Ditto for feeding. And bathing. And changing my bum. In fact, if we can just ditch all those other losers that claim to need you too then that would be best.
|Do not turn over that TV you poo poo head.
I may glance at it again in a hour
- I will half doze of an evening until I hear your soft tread on the floor then we can spend the night together nose to nose, eyebrow to eyebrow (sometimes you don’t hear me for ages so I’ll practice shouting louder).
- While we are talking of decisions. No more pram. Okay. You can carry me everywhere. That way I can play with your hair. I know you love that. Better still I can put my hands down your top whenever I want – that time when all your buttons popped open in front of the “hottie butcher” is not my fault and I should be allowed to live out the rest of my days without reference to it (man alive!).
- We can go to the supermarket together as I like that, but I do reserve the right to lose it at the checkout about nothing (I like seeing your face go that funny colour) or play the “can I fall out of the trolley if I fling myself backwards hard enough” game. It’s ace that one isn’t it.
- I love you so much in fact that I think it would be best if I just dozed in your arms of an evening instead of going in my cot. I will get comfy and snuggly on your arm – the wine drinking one.
|Outside without your mates and take your rings off|
I think that is everything for now.
From your loving
|This is what happens to people who mess with me. Be warned.|