How to have a really exciting life

I think in a past life I might have been a Grand Prix rally driver or a freestyle cliff diver. Deep down inside that little rebel thrill-seeking gene still exists. I might not be tight rope walking in the Himalayas in my present existence, but boy do I like to find things to keep me living on the edge.

I seem to just do (or not do) things that make my life as stressful and as complicated as possible. Just for fun like.

For example:

1. Knowing for over a year the date that you are going on holiday yet only applying for the children’s passports a few months before just so you can have the little drama of them still not arriving a week before the holiday.

No one really wants to go on holiday, right! It’s all about the brochure. Sob!

2. Having a rubbish phone with no Sat Nav and only having a vague idea where you are going so you have to pull over three times and ask for directions like an 18th Century person meaning you turn up 40 minutes late for your rendezvous.

3. Promptly forgetting the directions as soon as you start driving again.

4. Adding in a wailing baby for laughs

5. Adding in a wailing baby with a big fat smelly poo!

6. Making sure it is for something important like a hospital appointment.

7. One you have been late for BEFORE.

8. Thinking you have all day to tidy up and cook for your friends coming for dinner then rushing around like a lunatic throwing a thousand things into your bedroom and praying no one has the urge to lift up a sofa cushion. You can do it! Just that wee at the back of the toilet to wipe up before the door bell rings! There is no time to wash your hair – just wear a hat. All is good.

Helloo. Come on in. Dinner will be served after I have glugged half a bottle of wine

9. Saying yes to more than one event without checking date clashes and then not having the bottle to cancel anything and therefore hoping the universe will sort it all out for you. Which it rarely does. Cause it thinks you are a disorganised idiot!

10. Buying sandals with two straps to buckle up on each – gets really, really thrilling when you are in a big rush!

11. Getting the giggles in church when the children’s headteacher is in the next pew because the baby has trumped on your lap and is also giggling.

12. Deciding you just have to put on a wash, do the dishes, make the beds and send four emails for work before the school run meaning the children have to jog to school (hell bells – it’s good for them).

13. Snapping at a random person on a stressed out day – the one that will never ever EVA forgive you EVA (and will shoot you death glares for six years afterwards)

14. Having a washing up bowl with a hole in it so you have a time limit on how long it takes you to wash the dishes before the water washes away (okay – I am also only person to not own a dish washer – see point 15)

15. Buy a house that needs “doing up” and then have three children in quick succession so you would rather live in 1970s shabby chic then face weeks with no kitchen. Making sure no knifes fall out of the knackered cutlery drawer on to the baby’s head is fun yeah!

16. Finally returning a call to a dear friend after you have promised to call her back in a quiet moment (then never having a quiet moment) and also forgetting her text messages three seconds after reading them. It could go either way – pledge drinks early in the call.

17. Being too slow to get down the stairs on a Saturday to retrieve the credit card bill from your intrigued husband (you might need to use womanly tactics to distract).

18. Opting to cook a roast dinner on a hot Thursday like it is a really good idea.

Gabe says: “You slave for hours on a roast dinner, spend ages mashing it up and
I’ll just throw it around the room. Deal?”

19. Deciding to write a blog post about stuff instead of doing the 755 stuff you actually need to do.

20. Yeah and so I am ending on 19 cause that’s how I roll – edgy and all that! Watch out Kate Moss!

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14 Comments on How to have a really exciting life

  1. 25castleson25clouds
    July 25, 2014 at 1:07 pm (5 years ago)

    Um, no that all sounds about normal. Especially the having no dishwasher. I am currently missing a kitchen, shower, beds, wall paper, lights in some rooms. However I don't have any children struggling through this with me, in fact I have no one because he didn't love me and now I am dying alone! :0(

    (in case it doesn't come across that last bit is humour so don't worry)

    Reply
  2. Ting Dalton
    July 25, 2014 at 2:24 pm (5 years ago)

    Fantastic and hilarious post! I particularly relate to the strappy sandals; and being to scared to cancel clashing dates much to the annoyance of hubby, because I end up moaning about it all day and night… I also applied for monkey's passport about 4 weeks before our holiday last year and they lost his birth certificate, and I ended up crying A LOT and being passed from pillar to post with morons down the end of the line! It was all my fault for leaving it so late. However, where would we be without flying by the seat of our pants? :) It would be so boring… xx #PoCoLo

    Reply
  3. Steph @MisplacedBrit
    July 25, 2014 at 10:45 pm (5 years ago)

    Fantastic!! LOL -TOO TRUE!! Though I'm convinced there must be people who don't recognize themselves in your wonderful portrait of family life… It sounds like a copy of mine!! :-)

    Reply
  4. pixiedusk
    July 26, 2014 at 7:25 am (5 years ago)

    Yep you are a thrill seeker! Living life to the extreme. But mind you I dont have a dishwasher too =P #pocolo

    Reply
  5. Steph Curtis
    July 27, 2014 at 1:45 pm (5 years ago)

    OMG 12 and 19 YES! So me. Most of the rest of it too. Loved this all, thanks :) over from #PoCoLo

    Reply
  6. Steph Curtis
    July 27, 2014 at 1:46 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh and er yes, what is WITH sandals with buckles?! Is there a worldwide shortage of velcro/other brand sticky stuff?! Grrr.

    Reply
  7. Mrboosmum
    July 29, 2014 at 8:17 am (5 years ago)

    You know we were separated at birth, right? Love this post!

    Reply
  8. Alison Bloomer
    July 30, 2014 at 8:57 pm (5 years ago)

    Ha – I would prefer the exciting to include movie stars and mansions thogh :) x

    Reply
  9. Alison Bloomer
    July 30, 2014 at 8:58 pm (5 years ago)

    Why do we do that thing with the passports. I now have mine *breathes again* x

    Reply
  10. Alison Bloomer
    July 30, 2014 at 8:59 pm (5 years ago)

    Panicked then – phew. Wow – your life is more exciting than mine :) x

    Reply
  11. Alison Bloomer
    July 30, 2014 at 8:59 pm (5 years ago)

    I might eventually buy one but then I wouldn't be #livinglifeonedge x

    Reply
  12. Alison Bloomer
    July 30, 2014 at 9:00 pm (5 years ago)

    Thanks Steph – what is it with sandals. I need to live in flip flop haha x

    Reply
  13. Alison Bloomer
    July 30, 2014 at 9:01 pm (5 years ago)

    I think so too – when are we meeting for wine :) x

    Reply
  14. Looking for Blue Sky
    August 14, 2014 at 9:37 am (5 years ago)

    Yep I still have that rebel thrill-seeking gene too, you'd think life would've knocked it out of me, but no! 12, 15, 16, 18 and 19 regularly happen here, and I was thinking of having "Late again" as my epitaph :)

    Reply

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