OMG Mum you are just so cringe!

There was a period of time when I was such a cool dude. Amazingly awesome. A big cheese.

It was a sliver of a window though. If you blinked you might have missed it. The planets for the briefest moment all aligned in my favour.

Not only did it not matter that my shoes were so last year or that I hadn’t cut my hair for six months. That was not expected. My husband loved me if I smiled for half a second instead of sticking pins in voodoo dolls of him. Minimum effort was needed there. In addition, there was no pressure from the peer groups surrounding me – knackered Mums whose bar was set so low that we agreed style was a snot-free jumper. If I wore lipstick I was basically on a par with Beyonce.

But best of all my ego soared high due to a self-created mini gang of groupies who would hang on to my every word and draw pictures celebrating my beauty.

A picture depicting me with the sun shining out of my bum stomach

I was the queen of my own particular castle and Taylor Swift, Ant n Dec and Tracy Beaker had nothing on me. NOTHING!

It was a blissful time.

Now my star is waning and a new phenomenon is occurring. Instead of being a goddess in my children’s eyes, my devotees don’t seem as devoted. It is like they haven’t got the memo (sent by me) that I am still splendid. Instead of being the star of the show, a model of mothering, they have decided that I am a bit cringe-worthy at times.

Not always. Not yet. But sometimes…
I wouldn’t say it was a fall from grace so to speak but let’s just say I know how Madonna felt at the Brits.

It came to light after I left my friend’s house the other day where I had been loudly tickling her little boy. My daughter whispered clearly distressed: “Mum, that was really embarrassing.”

I was probably expecting this when she hit a pre-teen time frame but at seven!
No. Surely it can’t be true I thought. She thinks I am wonderful. I truly thought I would be immune to the embarrassing parent syndrome. Where they not all the other day fighting to sit beside me on the couch and crying clinging on to my legs because I was going the flicks without them?

I needed to check that I was still down with my kids so when my two oldest children were joined by a few of their little mates on the school run I took the chance. Casually, so as not to alert them to my internal panic, I asked what things (other) mums do that make them squirm.

They held nothing back. The cheeky gits monkeys!

There were no surprises with the disapproval displayed when we dribble spit on our fingers and splatter it all around their face in an impromptu clean up or their pique about over enthusiastic hugs and kisses as their friends watch. My son also singled me out for the crime of tucking his shirt into his underpants in the middle of the play ground and the daughter said that barking at her to stop showing off when she was in the middle of the funniest joke EVER was quite annoying.

But it was the random misdemeanours that we mums apparently do that made me chuckle:

  • Dancing 
  • Dancing after beer
  • Wearing black trousers
  • Selling cakes at the school fete
  • Kissing daddy
  • Talking to their teacher
  • Swearing at other drivers (this wasn’t me honest)
  • Talking about characters in TV programmes like they are my friends (for the record me and Alicia Florrick are tight)
  • Asking if they would prefer Robbie Williams or Jamie Dornan to be their Daddy (I may have been doing the beer dancing at the time)
  • Singing along to Frozen
  • Asking to put Frozen on all the time (again not me)
  • Putting the seat belt on for them
  • Laughing too loudly
  • Wearing track suit bottoms
  • Nudging them and asking if so and so is their girlfriend or boyfriend 
  • Shouting at the telly
  • Wearing flip flops
  • Chasing Dom from Dick and Dom fame down the road (this again wasn’t me).
Flabbergasted at how candid they were, I decided to broach the subject again after dinner whilst brandishing a bumper bag of Magic Stars. 
Tell Daddy about all the embarrassing things I do, I urged. 
No not you Mummy. You never do anything embarrassing ever.
You are like a beautiful princess.
And you make the nicest dinners.
You are very funny.
We love your hair.

In that moment I realised four things:
  • Sweets will always work
  • The super sensitivity to their place in the world will get worse before it gets better
  • My children are ace – sarcastic little smart alecs – but amusing and ace
  • That Dom from Dick and Dom walks so fast that no one will ever catch him. Not even Usain Bolt.
OMG what is she doing! Pretend we don’t know her.
Let's Talk Mommy

11 Comments on OMG Mum you are just so cringe!

  1. Amy Ransom
    March 17, 2015 at 7:29 pm (4 years ago)

    I was just wondering about this today funnily enough. And when the bubble might burst. I was kind of hoping it wouldn't as being adored occasionally is the only thing that makes up for all the torture they put me through the rest of the time. And they can do one if they think I'm giving up flip flops. Fab Alison x

    Reply
  2. Louise
    March 18, 2015 at 11:10 am (4 years ago)

    Great post – I never realised the window of wonderfulness was so very short. Makes me realise I should embrace this time of being the most amazing person ever. I love your comment about style being a snot-free jumper too. My eldest (3.5 years) already asks me to stop singing if I'm singing along to Frozen so I wonder if I'm going to start my experience of being a slightly embarrassing mummy sooner rather than later. Good to know that sweets have magical properties with this though!

    Reply
  3. Talya Stone
    March 18, 2015 at 1:04 pm (4 years ago)

    Lol this made me chuckle…I was totally thinking about this the other day…at what point would I fall off the "Mummy I adore you pedestal" – not looking forward to it I have to admit! #sharewithme

    https://motherhoodtherealdeal.wordpress.com/

    Reply
  4. Emma Martin
    March 18, 2015 at 1:29 pm (4 years ago)

    Oh Ali, i love these! Especially the dancing after beer and asking them who they'd prefer to be their daddy (Jamie Dornan obvs! 😉 ) Tee hee – i think the years where they dont want to be anywhere near us are very close indeed. Sob!! :( xx

    Reply
  5. Wry Mummy
    March 18, 2015 at 4:58 pm (4 years ago)

    This made me laugh so much! Chasing Dom, the fastest walker known to man! And black trousers – man, that is SO embarrassing! Love it. LOVED seeing you on Sat darling lady! xxx

    Reply
  6. Wally Mummy
    March 18, 2015 at 9:58 pm (4 years ago)

    LOL 😉 sweets will always work! Xxx

    Reply
  7. Jenny Ripatti-Taylor
    March 20, 2015 at 10:57 am (4 years ago)

    This made me laugh so hard because I bet my kids will think I am so cringe on all these. lol Lovely post. I can relate hahaha Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    Reply
  8. pixiedusk
    March 20, 2015 at 12:35 pm (4 years ago)

    Goodness! I was now thinking how many more years till my son will tell me this and not to kiss him in public! #Sharewithme

    Reply
  9. Sian PottyMouthedMummy
    March 21, 2015 at 6:45 am (4 years ago)

    Oh Alison this is brilliant. I am now fearful of wearing black trousers and flip flops, there's no hope for me! Fab post as ever my love xxx

    Reply
  10. Judith Hurrell
    March 25, 2015 at 9:35 am (4 years ago)

    This is proper funny my dear. I haven't got to that stage yet but wow, who knew black trousers and flip flops could be so shameful? I'm doomed if tracksuit bottoms are vetoed too! x

    Reply
  11. Suzanne W
    March 31, 2015 at 7:06 am (4 years ago)

    Love, love, love it! Sadly I fell from grace a long time ago but like you, I was utterly shocked. I really did think I was beyond it. I would break the mold. Surely I was going to be the coolest mum around? Sadly I think it goes with the territory :( x

    Reply

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