The forgotten art of Going Out

Back in the day, I could be found to be going out a number of times a week. From that bottle of wine (or three) shared with colleagues after work, PR and press events, dates with the then boyfriend (now husband) and then the regular girls’ night outs at the weekend.

I was on the going out treadmill and it would be more rare for me to be in than to be out.

But then I suppose in those days, there was only me to consider. I could roll out of bed (via the shower) and into the office and plinky plonk on a keyboard for a few hours until the worse effects had passed. At the weekend all I had to worry about was whether I should watch T4 on the couch or in bed. Then I was ready to do it all again.

Now, well….

going out comes with a morning after and it is the idea of little people jumping on your head and needing things (like food and drink; how dare they!) that kind makes going out a different proposition.

My run down to D-day (aka Going Out Day) usually goes along the following pattern:


Six weeks to go

Excited rating: 10/10
I Am So EXCITED!! Can’t wait. I love going out me – can’t think why I don’t do it more. It will be amazing. Count me in.
Preparation: I’m going to start Weight Watchers right now. Can lose a stone in six weeks. Yes and I’ll book a hair appointment and buy a new top from French Connection.
Conversations to mates: How brill. What are you wearing? Where shall we go? Wish we were going out tomorrow. We so need this.
Conversations in my head: How brill. What shall I wear? Will be size 12 by then on Weight Watchers so might be able to squeeze into some old garb. Where shall we go? Wish we were going out tomorrow. We so need this.

Four weeks to go

Excited rating: 9/10
Can’t wait but must start Weight Watchers (obvs after my curry tonight).
Preparation: Will buy some rice cakes from shop and apples and bananas. Must book hair appointment. Might have spray tan as starting to look bit grey now sun has disappeared.
Conversations to mates: How brill. What are you wearing? Where shall we go? Wish we were going out tomorrow. We so need this.
Conversations in my head: How brill. What shall I wear? Will be bit slimmer by then on Weight Watchers so might get something new. Where shall we go? Wish we were going out tomorrow. We so need this.

Two weeks to go

Excited rating: 7/10
It will be fun but must start diet (obvs after my Chinese tonight). Forgot X-factor has started – quite like staying in and watching that.
Preparation: Do those Slim Fast shakes work? Could lose about five pounds – that will make me look better.
Conversations to mates: How brill. What are you wearing? Where shall we go? Wish we were going out tomorrow. We so need this.
Conversations in my head: What the hell will I wear? Glad not out tonight as bit chilly and I do so enjoy Gary Barlow’s stern face.

One week to go

Excited rating: 5/10
Yay excellent. I’ll be out this time next week with my mates having fun. That will be good – cool. Yes – really cool. Erm… hope it’s a bit warmer. Shall I drive? Wonder how much I can lose my being nil my mouth all week (apart from lunch, dinner, and tea; and after my pizza tonight obvs).
Preparation: Wonder if they can squeeze me into the hairdressers. Must go and buy something to wear. Something floaty and black that I feel comfy in.
Conversations to mates: How brill. What are you wearing? Where shall we go? Wish we were going out tomorrow. We so need this.
Conversations in my head: Ah man not sure I can be bothered really. I like staying in and watching X factor. I’ll miss this couch, and these warm PJs and this bar of Dairy Milk next week I really will.

Three days to go

Excited rating: 0/10
I Am Not Going. So there. I can’t find anything to feckin wear that doesn’t make me look like Jabba the Hutt seven thousand bellies. I hate French Connection -not sure why I go in there. I need Wallis (sob!!)
Preparation: None. Too fat to leave the house.
Conversations to mates: How brill. What are you wearing? Where shall we go? Wish we were going out tomorrow. We so need this. Although it is getting a tad chilly. Are we going somewhere with seats?
Conversations in my head: I am staying in.

Two days to go

Excited rating: 2/10
Right feck it. Can’t find an excuse not to go
Preparation: Will wear old favourite dress but buy new shoes and some beads. Cool a plan.
Conversations to mates: How brill. What are you wearing? Where shall we go?  Although it is getting a tad chilly. Are we going somewhere with seats? Everyone still going? No one dropped out?
Conversations in my head: Suppose I better blinkin go.

One day to go

Excited rating: 2/10
Ah poo I am going out tomorrow.
Preparation: Need to buy some wine to drink before I go.
Conversations to mates: How brill. What are you wearing? Where shall we go? Although it is getting a tad chilly. Are we going somewhere with seats? Everyone still going? No one dropped out? You sure?
Conversations in my head: Will get drunk.

Five hours to go

Excited rating: 8/10
Just realised if go out early I can miss bath time madness. Maybe people want to meet at five and I can skip tea time terribleness as well.
Preparation: Have wine, have clothes, just need shower
Conversations to mates: Anyone fancy going out at five o’clock? Four even. I can be ready in ten minutes.
Conversations in my head: Can’t wait to go out.

One hour to go

Excited rating: 9/10
Need to get out but these needy babies want food and me to play Lego games. Must go in shower.
Preparation: Would like to get ready now please – can someone take over twister. Yes – I know the baby has been sick on you dear husband but there are more important things in life.
Conversations to mates: Don’t pick me up early – I’m going to be a little late.
Conversations in my head: Where is my wine? Argggh – is that the time!!!!

One wine in

Excited rating: 10/10
Preparation: Who cares – this is bliss. I love wine me.
Conversations to mates: None stop
Conversations in my head: None – too busy gabbing.

Five wines in

Excited rating: 10/10
Conversations to mates: I can’t find them but I have been telling this nice young lady everything about my life. She is lovely – oh where has she gone?
Conversations in my head: I think I am going to be sick.

The next day

Excited rating: 0/10
Conversations to mates: I am never going out again
Conversations in my head: I am never going out again. Children. please don’t jump on my head. I am going to be sick again. What do you mean I need to get dressed as I need to take the girl to a  birthday party. Where are you going? What do you mean? The match! Please no don’t leave me.

Gabe says: “You off out mum. Tomorrow I’m going to play the screaming
game all day. That will be such fun.”
Post Comment Love

4 Comments on The forgotten art of Going Out

  1. Mary @over40andamumtoone
    October 11, 2013 at 6:22 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh dear – the thought of dealing with my son after a night out just fills me with dread

    Reply
  2. Sara Murray
    October 11, 2013 at 8:23 pm (5 years ago)

    This is brilliant, really made me chuckle, and all so true! I have had very few big nights out since having kids – the next day is never much fun… But I do enjoy a girls night :) #PoCoLo

    Reply
  3. Victoria Welton
    October 13, 2013 at 11:30 am (5 years ago)

    This is so my life now – if I ever even bother to go out that is!! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

    Reply
  4. Jess Paterson
    March 8, 2014 at 8:20 pm (4 years ago)

    Brilliant! X Factor is a cruel taskmaster indeed – cruel to be kind, though, I feel, to keep us in the warm in our relaxi-pants. My ideal would be if all my friends came over too. X

    Reply

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