The Nik Naks Nark

It was just a normal Saturday.

It was just a normal shopping trip.
It was just a normal supermarket shelf.
*Oh sorry this is to be said in a blockbuster action movie trailer voice. You need to go back and start again…*
They thought this would be a food shop just like any other.
They did not know what was about to happen. 
And how it would change their lives forever.
No one saw it coming until it was TOO LATE!
THE NIK NAK NARK

Scene one: Nik Naks for 99p

The hunky husband and his wonderful wife are partaking in a basic boring Sainsbury’s shop when the husband stops short in amazement.
Hunky husband: “Nik Naks. Six for 99p. Nice and Spicy ones too. I am amazed.”
The husband pulls a face to show he just can’t believe it.
Hunky husband: “I just can’t believe it. Just what I feel like. Let’s put them in the trolley.”
They put them in a trolley and smile in mutual happiness.

Scene two: Knocked off the conveyor belt or something more sinister

The scene cuts to the hunky husband and the wonderful wife loading their shopping on the conveyor belt. The Nik Naks are no where to be seen. Cue dramatic music.

Scene three: The unloading

The duo are unloading the shopping at home. The husband pulls a face to show he just can’t wait to have a bag of Nik Naks.
Hunky husband: “I just can’t wait for these Nik Naks.”
He searches through the bags but cannot find the Nik Naks.
Hunky husband: “I cannot find the Nik Naks. They must have fallen off the conveyor belt or something more sinister. NOOOOOOOOOO!”

Scene four: Falling down

We all have them. Our Nik Naks narks. That little something that is quite nothing really but can randomly become a huge thing. The hunky husband in this particular tale stomped off and kicked a plastic bag in the air in frustration and it took him a good ten minutes to calm down and laugh at his behaviour. Now when either of us has a random melt down we mention the words “Nik Nak nark” and it has a soothing, disarming effect. 
So far. 
I can see the words “shove your Nik Naks nark up your bum” getting flung out into the ether eventually. But for now it is working a special sort of magic.
As a woman and a mother I reserve the right to have Nik Nak narks more regularly. Just this week  I have Nik Nak narked at the following:
  • Banging my head on the kitchen cupboard that someone left open
  • The person who had ten parcels in the post office when I was waiting behind them
  • Daughter taking 40 minutes to eat one Wetabix
  • The expenses receipt I was keeping somewhere so safe I can’t find it
  • Getting lost on my way to meet a friend AGAIN and being 40 minutes late.
  • Feeling too hot after a hot bath.
Most of us are hardly at the level where we need anger management help from Graham from the Jeremy Kyle Show but boy do we let some small things get to us. The festive season tends to bring out the worst in us. Wrapping pressies through gritted teeth, cursing people as we write Christmas cards, crying as the children change their Santa lists again and pushing grannies out of the way to grab the last £4 Celebrations tub (or is that just me!).
Therefore I have the answer to a stress free, relaxed Christmas.
Get plenty of Nik Naks in.
Simples.

P.S. You know the something sinister mentioned above? Well I might have put the Nik Naks back on the shelf as a joke and then by the time we got to the end of the shop I forgot about my funny joke and didn’t retrieve them. Don’t tell the husband though or he’ll might have another Nik Naks nark. And the world doesn’t need that.

Gabe says: “You two are bonkers. Everyone knows Nik Naks taste
almost as bad as the orange mush you force on me!”


9 Comments on The Nik Naks Nark

  1. Mardy Kerrie
    December 16, 2014 at 8:33 pm (4 years ago)

    I was having a proper meltdown-too-much-sh*t-going-on-day today and you've really cheered me up with this. Nik Naks are BOSS. Also, the Falling Down pic made me LOL. :) xxx

    Reply
  2. Emma Martin
    December 17, 2014 at 1:14 pm (4 years ago)

    I LOVE Nik-Naks!! And have a Falling Down meltdown almost every day, normally about being late for EVERYTHING. I can totally relate to this Ali! Just brilliant, as always xxx

    Reply
  3. Sian PottyMouthedMummy
    December 17, 2014 at 1:45 pm (4 years ago)

    Ha ha ha ha ha this has made me laugh so much. Nik Naks are amazing xx

    Reply
  4. Californian Mum in London
    December 17, 2014 at 10:55 pm (4 years ago)

    I can't believe what a Nik Nak monster you are. How could you? How bloody could you?! (said in a screaming voice)

    Reply
  5. Jenny Ripatti-Taylor
    December 18, 2014 at 2:14 pm (4 years ago)

    As always you have me in fits of laughter. So funny. Something my hubby and I would do and have a joke about later. Love it. Nik Nak narks I am going to have to remember that one. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me and for all the amazing linky support in 2014! I can't thank you enough. Happy Holidays! #sharewithme

    Reply
  6. Jude
    December 18, 2014 at 9:11 pm (4 years ago)

    OMG spot on, as always lovely. I had a Nic Nak Nark today over a stolen car park spot, resulting in dragon wrath and so much swearing. Grrrr. You've summed it up brilliantly. At least I'm not alone x

    Reply
  7. Wry Mummy
    December 19, 2014 at 10:15 am (4 years ago)

    Ha ha ha! Love it, Ali! I am like that with chocolate, but Green & Black's nark doesn't have quite the same ring – in fact sounds a teeny bit poncy. Thank you for cracking me up all year with your brilliant posts (and making me weep a little too, but that is all cool). Have a jolly merry happy Christmas and New Year you lovely lady. Special festive hug for the Gabester too. xxx

    Reply
  8. mummyofboygirltwins
    March 16, 2015 at 9:32 am (4 years ago)

    Hee hee! Love this! Yes – I agree and I feel the same at the moment. Christmas-stress is a killer! Jess x #sharewithme

    Reply

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