What’s for dinner Mum?

What’s for tea Mum?

Yak o’clock.

What’s for lunch Mum?
Yuck o’clock.

What’s for supper Mum?
Bleurgh o’clock

Oh Mum what time is it?
It’s dinner time!! Grrrrrrh

Now sit down and just eat it.

I am rubbish at cooking. Actually that is a gross understatement. I just can’t be bothered with it all. It involves pealing, chopping and invariably fondling raw breasts. Of course, I blame my mother for this who has been known to serve us waffles and chips as a complete meal growing up. It wasn’t her fault. I think with five wilful children, she just gave up and wanted a peaceful life – a genius move on her part.

I had worthy intentions when my oldest boy was born. I brought the Annabel Karmel weaning book and everything and spent the latter months of my maternity leave making up little ice cubes of organic beef stew and lentil and bean surprise. It would take hours and hours. The reward? A little baby boy spitting it out all over me (and the cream carpet).

Hundreds of tears (mine) and brown blobs later, I toughened up and thought bugger that. There must be another way. There was – it was called Ella’s Kitchen pouches. Just because it was in a posh packaging and not a jar it felt okay – as long as you didn’t tell anyone (the failed shame!!).

Seven years on, things haven’t improved. In fact they have got steadily worse. Gabriel aside, I have two of the fussiest eaters in the world who pride themselves on liking the opposite things. One detests pizza, the other Chinese. One detests beans, the other eggs. Both abhor “bits” of every description. Every meal time is littered with ” how many more mouthfuls mum” and “oops I’ve dropped half my dinner on the floor”. You would think I was poisoning them (well not intentionally).

So dinner time is frankly one large pain in the bum. And deciding what to feed people is the bane of my life. Despite this, I live in a house of optimists and one of the first things my children say on leaving school is “what’s for dinner Mum?” I always pretend I haven’t decided to save the wails of discontent until we are at least behind closed doors. Even the husband bounds home enthusiastically and asks what’s cooking good looking? (I added the last bit – in his head I think he’s saying what’s on the hob k***?)

Me: Fishy fingers and smiley faces?
Him: Okay… anything else?

Me: Jacket potato and omelette?
Him: Nah – anything that real people eat?

Me: Chicken and super noodles.
Him: Fishy fingers is it then.. again!
*stomps off*

But then sometimes (not very often), the planets align and I cook something that no one moans about; everyone seems to enjoy and they all ask for more (well that bit is a fib). Tonight was one of those nights and dinner time was a huge success. I had spent some time thinking about what everyone liked, shopped in advance (instead of darting in five minutes before school pickup and flinging random items into the basket) and I had taken my time with it so it was nice (ish).

I was so proud of myself. I felt like a flipping rock star. Take that Beyoncé.

It was all very relaxed and we actually chatted about our days and had some giggles. We then cleared the table, made some crafts and played charades before the children retired to bed on time with no fuss (that bit is also a fib).

*Obviously that is not actually what I cooked; that would shattering the illusion somewhat. Let’s just say it was edible. Just. Thank god my family’s bar is set low.

*Copyright BBC Good Food.

Potty Mouthed Mummy

21 Comments on What’s for dinner Mum?

  1. The English Dad
    February 25, 2014 at 10:59 am (6 years ago)

    Well done on your promotion to ROCK STAR!

    But what my two like yesterday they hate today so I wouldn't worry about it. If they're hungry, they'll (that's my theory anyway and I'm sticking to it)

    Personally, I love fish fingers and smiley faces though! Look here's one now > :)

  2. Actually Mummy...
    February 25, 2014 at 11:29 am (6 years ago)

    Love it – mine also like and dislike separate things. And all that pureeing never did me any good. My most adventurous eater is the one who was fed on jars and pouches!

  3. Mrs K
    February 25, 2014 at 12:16 pm (6 years ago)

    Ahhh the old 'what are we having for tea' question. My answer is usually 'thing in a pot' which currently is working as a suitable response!

  4. MummyNeverSleeps
    February 25, 2014 at 1:26 pm (6 years ago)

    Absolutely hilarious! I too had THAT book. And it was fine, I even learnt WTF a butternut squash was FFS, until Noah got to 18 months. Now dinner time is exactly like yours, if it's not some sort of breaded monstrosity from the freezer, he won't touch it.

    *penny drops*

    It's the book! The bloody book! It's all HER fault!!

    Thanks so much for joining in again lovely, absolutely loved this post 😀

  5. Mammasaurus
    February 25, 2014 at 2:20 pm (6 years ago)

    Heh heh heh I love this – all of it and then the two lines under that photo could be applied to anything I cook for mine! My two aren't fussy eaters but do have certain things they refuse to eat and of course – they are different things, obviously, because otherwise my life would be much easier and who needs that ?!

  6. Complicated Gorgeousness
    February 25, 2014 at 5:39 pm (6 years ago)

    I love fishy fingers and smiley faces too. I think I might now be known as Mrs Rock Star ha xx

  7. Complicated Gorgeousness
    February 25, 2014 at 5:40 pm (6 years ago)

    I totally agree – that is why my youngest lives on orange jars. Looking forward to his Cordon Bleu style eating ha. xx

  8. Complicated gorgeousness
    February 25, 2014 at 6:00 pm (6 years ago)

    Yeah – imagine them doing something stupid and agreeing on stuff. Apart from sweets ha x

  9. Complicated Gorgeousness
    February 25, 2014 at 6:00 pm (6 years ago)

    I am so trying that *must buy a pot and be a proper mum* xxx

  10. Complicated Gorgeousness
    February 25, 2014 at 6:02 pm (6 years ago)

    It IS the book. Lets start a campaign. Jamie Oliver can come to my house and everything. I won't mind :) xx Great link up again. x

  11. Amy C
    February 25, 2014 at 8:06 pm (6 years ago)

    hahaha it's totally Annabel's fault!!! love this post :) *mutters*bloodyannabelkarmelruiningourkids*
    Amy @2boys1mum

  12. Jenny (Cheetahs In My Shoes)
    February 25, 2014 at 9:37 pm (6 years ago)

    Small admission – Annabel pretty much taught me how to cook and I'm still known to do her beef and sweet potato casserole now – but with a bottle of red and a shed load of salt in it!

    I have one who is a potato-holic and one who will not touch them unless they are fried. Urgh. The most common answer to 'what's for tea' in our house is 'worms stewed in compost slime' – the best bit is when you have a friend to tea and they look at you, all big eyed and say "reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally?"

  13. Wally Mummy
    February 26, 2014 at 5:10 pm (6 years ago)

    Heehee :)) I am the first one to reach for the take-away leaflets in this house *coughs* x Also – what is wrong with waffles and chips for dinner… *shiftily hides waffle box* LOL! xx

  14. Jess Paterson
    February 26, 2014 at 9:14 pm (6 years ago)

    Ha ha ha you totally had me fooled with that picture. I was thinking, please don't say you cooked that and they ate it! Tonight my oldest asked for pasta with his mash. He's a growing boy, fair dos – but I still said no. Wash up two pans?! x

  15. Complicated gorgeousness
    March 1, 2014 at 7:53 am (6 years ago)

    I am so using that line ha. That might shut them up for a bit. I like the wine addition to the Annabel recipes – she should do a reprint lol x

  16. Complicated gorgeousness
    March 1, 2014 at 7:54 am (6 years ago)

    Haha – waffles and smiley faces is also a winner winner dinner x

  17. Complicated gorgeousness
    March 1, 2014 at 7:55 am (6 years ago)

    Pans! – hell no – if its not microwavable/toastable it is not on the list! lol xx

  18. Sian PottyMouthedMummy
    April 14, 2015 at 7:18 am (4 years ago)

    Oh the last picture and comment made me chuckle, I was a bit "WOW". Sometimes these simple moments when everyone stops moaning are just great! Thanks for linking lovely xx

  19. Jo Nicholson
    April 14, 2015 at 7:54 pm (4 years ago)

    O is a feeding nightmare, if he could live on Pomme Bears and Custard Creams he would do. Glad I'm not the only one who struggles xx

  20. Mummy Tries
    April 15, 2015 at 12:57 pm (4 years ago)

    I'm so pleased the planets align sometimes, because it's those rare moments that make it all worth while isnt it x #countluckystars

  21. lifeasourlittlefamily.com
    April 15, 2015 at 9:57 pm (4 years ago)

    Ha ha you had me chuckling! So glad you all enjoyed at least 1 meal together and thanks for linking up to #CountLuckyStars


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