Did you imagine your life as a mummy to be exactly the same as your life before parenthood – except just with a cool pram and a year off work. Yeah me too – it is a massive conspiracy and some days I want my money (and my stomach) back. The one thing I didn’t bargain on was how much my brain would shut down. Gone are the days when I used to debate the political agenda (I never did this), reflect on the work of Epicurus (I don’t know who that is; I googled famous clever people) and ponder on social deprivation and its impact on crime (erm.. I did watch the soaps).
I have always been interested in enlightening discussions. Even at university I would invite a select group of people back for compelling cultured conversation over a pot of tea after the Friday night bop (this wasn’t me, but some cool girl in the next hall; she never invited me). I used to be able to reel off every member of the Cabinet (well I pretended this in an interview) and a stint as a finance journalist meant I knew my way around the shares index and share-weighted indices (I didn’t have a clue what I was talking about).
If you want to talk Grey’s Anatomy or the best flavours of super noodles than I am your gal. I hit an all time low last night when I found myself telling my husband all about fences. The fences are not even mine, nor do they even belong to a real life friend (which would be bad enough) but a friend of a friend on Facebook!!
This got me thinking about some of the other boring trite that now occupies my mind. I am blaming motherhood. This is what it does to you:
10 most boring things I now say!
- I must hoover and mop the floors
- I love this new pan
- Does this room smell of nappies?
- Smiley Faces or waffles?
- Stop picking your nose
- That is your third poo today
- Because I said so
- Shall we do some crafts?
- Oh look, ducks!
- Is that slug slime by the door?
10 most boring things I now do!
- Hoover and mop the floors
- Tidy away toys
- Play with play dough
- Open and shut the fridge 100 times a day
- Put clothes in washing machine/dryer/cupboards/repeat until you’re dead
- Keep food coupons in a box and then forgot about them
- Blog (ahem)
- Randomly look at non friends’ comments on other non friends’ Facebook posts (cause you are cheating the system. Hell Yeah!)
- Iron pillow slips
- Get excited about cushions
10 most boring things I now think!
- I wonder if the Pampers offer is still on in Asda
- Where is Balamory?
- Who has robbed all the socks
- What can we have for lunch?
- What can we have for dinner?
- Should I get a steam cleaner?
- That was a nice trip to the shops
- I can’t believe they were sold out of Warburton’s Toastie
- I think the kettle needs cleaning
- Oh look, post!
And just for the additional needs mums, these sayings are all part of my day too
- I am just ringing about a repeat prescription
- The blue badge is for my son not me
- Yes – we have been doing all our therapy programmes. All the time. Nothing else.
- No he is not toilet trained
- No he is not self feeding
- No he is not talking
- No he is not walking
- Yes – I have read that (stupid) poem Welcome to Holland. No – please don’t send it to me
- No it’s fine that your clinic is running two hours late because I had nothing better to do.
- No I didn’t have an affair with Boris Johnson.
|Gabe says: “Who is this Boris geezer. Is he gorgeous like me?!”|