Beat the babysitter

Roll up; roll up who wants to play a game of:

The whizz-hoppy fabby-dabby new game that pushes you to the limits of your ability. Fun for all the family. The rewards include alcoholic beverages.

Players: Minimum of three (parent, child, babysitter)
Age range: All
How to win: Children take on parents in this battle of deception and cunning. Parents only win if they get to the pub/party/restaurant without the children ever knowing that there was a babysitter in the house (whether it be Granny, Auntie Sue or Molly from up the road).

The aim of the game

  1. To get the children in bed and asleep without them realising you are going out
  2. To get to your destination looking like you are going out for the evening rather than putting a bit of lippy on and hoping you’ll do
  3. To get to your destination without throwing your wedding ring (or a shoe) at your husband
  4. To get to your destination before you have sworn at your nearest and dearest 746 times
  5. To get out the door and far away before your nocturnal children wake up and start annoying the babysitter
  6. To provide enough bribery in the form of posh crisps and chocolate so the babysitter doesn’t decide she’d rather stick pins in her eyeballs than watch over your offspring again.

The rules

  • You need to be somewhere at a certain time so you can’t just wait for the children to fall asleep au natural and then text the babysitter with a coded message saying all systems are GO GO GO!
  • You need to look like a fox (aka someone who has washed their hair and ironed their clothes)
  • You need to look foxy without any children seeing you attempt to do any fox-ish preparation
  • You need to tidy up for the babysitter as even teenage babysitters don’t like looking at discarded nappy sacks and sitting on rice cake crumbs
  • You need to have snacks in for the babysitter (without the children realising that they are snacks for a babysitter)
  • The babysitter MUST NOT be seen by any of the children

Extra points

  • Gain an extra point if you squeeze in a serene bedtime story
  • Gain an extra two points if you manage to paint both sets of nails
  • Gain an extra five points if you pluck your eyebrows
  • Gain an extra ten points if you sneak in a small glass of wine whilst getting ready
  • Gain an extra hundred points if you have applied fake tan during the day
  • Gain an extra thousand points if you and your partner are still speaking

Forfeit cards

  • If you don’t follow the usual routine to the letter – even a baby can sniff a change of plan
  • If you dress too early and someone under seven asks why are you glammed up to watch TV with daddy
  • If you forget any essential birthday/anniversary presents that you need for the event
  • If you leave behind your purse/wallet in the chaos of getting out

Instant lose

  • If the babysitter calls because some random child (you are trying to disown them) won’t re-settle or has been sick
  • If children are clinging to your legs as babysitter arrives pleading with you not to go out
  • If in your rush your fake fan (it wasn’t worth the points) smudges around your face making you look like someone flicked you in the face with brown paint
  • You didn’t check your outfit still fits from your last night out six months ago – wailing at the top of your voice with your entire wardrobe discarded on the floor will wake up the children leading to point two

Essential rule: once that front door is shut the babysitter is in charge so if you hear the baby cry as you walk down the path you don’t need to go back – run, Run, RUN!!! 

Gabe says: “So I deduce from the smudged nails, the red eyebrows, the seventeen outfits
on the bedroom floor and this glass of wine that you are GOING out tonight.
Well think again LOSERS!”

26 Comments on Beat the babysitter

  1. brummymummyof2
    May 27, 2014 at 12:19 pm (8 years ago)

    Brilliant! I love this so much. And how I never knew you resided in the cool and glamour of Brum bab? This has made me mad with myself. Lots xxx

  2. Emma Martin
    May 27, 2014 at 12:29 pm (8 years ago)

    This is actually amazing!! My sister was telling me the other day how they put their kids to bed, quickly get ready, and then shout at them from behind the bedroom door if they get up again, for fear that they'll see them in the gladrags 😉 Mine instantly know if i'm going out as i'm wearing actual clothes post 6pm. Not that i'd usually be in my pj's straight after school pick-up or anything :) As always, i loved this Alison!xx

  3. Hurrah For Gin
    May 27, 2014 at 1:52 pm (8 years ago)

    ha ha great minds! Sounds like a fab game – only we have not been out for so long i have had no chance to play :( f is now so hard to get to bed i don't think i would risk leaving him with anyone other than the grandparents! Love the RUN RUN ending x

  4. normaleverydaylife
    May 27, 2014 at 10:01 pm (8 years ago)

    This is hysterical! I love your instant lose rules and the one about still speaking to your husband! Too true and that's why it's so stressful and hard to make yourself go at out at night no matter how many times you read about the benefits of date night! :)

  5. Wally Mummy
    May 28, 2014 at 9:36 am (8 years ago)

    *sniggering* they just know don't they… they just know…

  6. Katrina Cool Bananas
    May 28, 2014 at 11:25 am (8 years ago)

    Hehehe, so true!! But shhhh, don't tell the babysitter our cunning plans!! xx

  7. Jenny Ripatti-Taylor
    May 28, 2014 at 7:50 pm (8 years ago)

    hahhaa I love this. Amazing. When we get the rare night out we always make sure the kids are in bed and try to get ourselves already without waking them and sneak out so they never know mommy and daddy are gone. So far so good but as they get older I wonder if they will catch on someday. hahahaha Love this beat the babysitter! Great post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

  8. Mrboosmum
    May 29, 2014 at 2:43 pm (8 years ago)

    It is hard to type comments when you are giggling as much as I am right now. Oh we get you. The Grumposaur and I managed our second night out since Boo's birth two years ago while staying with my folks at the weekend. No nails painted or anything plucked. I was going for the casual and laid back look. But much wine consumed in the 90 minutes before we were both so knackered we came home!

  9. Jennifer Jain
    May 29, 2014 at 7:11 pm (8 years ago)

    Hilarious, great post! We've never risked a night out with a proper babysitter, we've been lucky enough to rely on Grandparents that are okay if you leave a baby or toddler that is still screaming.

  10. Judith Hurrell
    May 30, 2014 at 10:18 am (8 years ago)

    This is sooo true! And so funny. My husband scares me with tales of when he once belted a babysitter to a kitchen chair with every belt in the house, and left her for dust. She couldn't get out till his parents came home!!! I've made him promise never to tell the kids in case they feel inspired.

  11. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:36 pm (8 years ago)

    Brum is cool and full of glamour it is true xx

  12. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:37 pm (8 years ago)

    Thanks Emma – it is all about the hiding ha x

  13. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:37 pm (8 years ago)

    No – you need to get out so more – part of the fun is leaving them with a teenage babysitter :) x

  14. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:38 pm (8 years ago)

    It is beyond stressful sometimes and a pizza and bottle of wine on the couch is just as good xx

  15. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:39 pm (8 years ago)

    they do.. they can smell your lipstick it at 50 paces 😉 xx

  16. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:40 pm (8 years ago)

    Thanks for hosting. They will catch on – beware! xx

  17. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:40 pm (8 years ago)

    Who cares about nails hey when there is wine to be consumed. Glad you got out :) xx

  18. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:40 pm (8 years ago)

    Oh I want your parents please 😉 x

  19. Alison Bloomer
    June 4, 2014 at 12:41 pm (8 years ago)

    OMG your husband is crazy. That is so funny. Please don't give my kids any ideas haha x

  20. Yvette @ Big Trouble in Little Nappies
    January 27, 2016 at 6:45 pm (7 years ago)

    Genius! Love every part of this post. We had a disaster the other month where our poor friend was babysitting and the toddler wouldn’t go to bed – despite being so tired. We were mean to both of them by going out anyway and God bless her she did bed time… but… we NEEDED to run run run!
    Yvette @ Big Trouble in Little Nappies recently posted…The Eight Kinds of Nap FailureMy Profile

    • Alison
      January 28, 2016 at 9:32 am (7 years ago)

      Ha Run for your lives. Mine are still like this – sweets work better now though x


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