Happy half term fun (or something like that)

So it is the half term holidays and there is much fun to be had.
A couple of days away from the office and the rat race.
A break from the school run.
Can’t wait!
I’ll have time to just play with the children.
I’ll go to the gym, make home cooked fayre and give the house a blitz.
We will live the dream and I’ll write loads of normal mummy type blogs – they will be so useful and inspiring that the likes of Britmums, Netmums, Mumsnet, Betfred will wet themselves with glee.
In seven days time we’ll be refreshed and renewed. Catch up on sleep.
Ready to hit the ground running.
Cue Cliff Richard Holiday-esque music and happy barn dancing.

Scratch……..change record….

Yeah right! Sorry excuse me while I fall on the floor laughing my head off.
Refreshed and renewed. Pahahahaha

This is usually how the holidays go.

Day one

The blog plan: Dafty crafts

  • Wake up refreshed and renewed.
  • Quick trip to gym before breakfast followed by Halloween crafts with the children.
  • We’ll clear the table and Gabe can do messy play at the same time – double win. Super mum and special needs play therapist rolled into one. I’ll be getting a Mum of the Year award by the end of the day.
  • Then I we hang the decorations about the house, which I will then clean so I can take amazing Pinterest photos.
  • Stand back let the crafting begin

The reality

  • Gabe decides to party on down in our bed from 3am. After three hours of him poking his fingers up my nose, get up and mainline coffee until rest of house awakes.
  • Grouch at everyone for three hours straight.
  • Finally break after being asked to start said crafts 65 times and go and get craft tub (that is hidden high on top of wardrobe).
  • Wipe off dust and bring downstairs.
  • Set up crafts and attempt the Super Nanny ‘play and step away’ method after five minutes. Get engrossed by Holly Willybooby’s new dress on This Morning in living room.
  • Have mild panic and realise all gone quiet in other room. Burst in to find oldest two children taking selfies on mobile phone. But not of faces. Oh No! They have drawn tattoos on their bums and are turn taking snapping each other’s behinds (bumies?!)
  • Decide that might not be of interest to Pinterest.
  • Tidy up and plonk children in front of DVD.
  • Exhausted so wallop fish fingers and smiley faces in oven.

Gym trips: 0
Refreshed rating: 4
Magic mummy style blog posts: 0
Bum shots: 8

Day two

The blog plan: Coombe Mill style outdoor fun

  • Wake up refreshed and renewed.
  • Quick trip to gym before breakfast.
  • Decide on educational trip to the local safari park.
  • Gabe can now say ‘raahhh’ so it is time to see the scary man-eating feckers up close.
  • Buy a guide and give fascinating facts about each animal as we drive around. Ask the eldest boy to take an interesting photo of each animal to illustrate the point. 
  • Bring nutritional picnic.
  • Have a wow moment when put Gabe in the toy car in fair and realise he loves it. So nice that he gets to enjoy something too and not just follow us around watching the fun.

The reality

  • Feel like a heroin addict as Gabe decides to wake just as I go to bed and takes numerous rounds of Mozart on the cot mobile to re-settle.
  • Look forward to 40 winks around the Safari park but have heart attack when husband winds down window and a manky camel pops head in car. Car load finds it hilarious so becomes a theme.
  • Discover Gabe likes the toy car a little too much and screams the park down as we try and remove him. One hour and eighteen pound coins later, we attempt to have picnic.
  • Can’t find no tables so trail around fair like the Clampetts trying to get hyped up children to eat some salad and an apple. Give up and pass around the Wotsits.
  • Stop for a brew and discover that the bum theme is still very much apparent in our family as the eldest son has managed to solely get pictures of every animal’s backsides.
  • Come home and too tired to cook so hit chippy.
  • Wonder if could write a blog post about walking to Tesco in the rain two days ago. Slug squishing has got to be of interest to someone right?!

Gym trips: 0
Refreshed rating: 1
Magic mummy style blog posts: 0
Bum shots: 12

Name that animal!!

Day three

The blog plan: A cinema review

  • Wake up refreshed and renewed.
  • Quick trip to gym before breakfast.
  • Take children to watch Turbo with cousins as Gabe has nursery day.
  • Throw in trip to library to return books.
  • The reality

    • Gabe slept through but eldest daughter wakes up screaming nine times dreaming about man eating animals. Finally fall asleep but wake up in sweaty mess after horrible dream involving snogging camels.
    • Arrive at cinema late and no seats left. Relieved when realise that front row is free. Sit down and film starts. Realise why front row free. Will need neck brace at end.
    • Daughter drops popcorn, son spills drink, someone makes me eat family size bag of M&Ms.
    • Everyone leaves feeling sick after watching speedy snail whizz around screen up close.
    • Get to library and realise forgot books.
    • Come home and everyone still nauseous so have scrambled egg on toast.
    My new boyfriend

    Gym trips: 0
    Refreshed rating: 1
    Magic mummy style blog posts: 0
    Bum shots: Many but (butt!!) up close Turbo ones

    Day four

    The blog plan: Baking with bairns

    • Wake up refreshed and renewed.
    • Quick trip to gym before breakfast.
    • Decide on quieter day and to do some baking with the children.
    • Have family around for dinner later so will serve delicious meal followed by cute homemade cakes.
    • Will tidy house palace style.
    • And finish ironing in the four baskets.
    • Might even blow dry hair instead of tying up wet.

    The reality

    • Everyone sleeps through. Feel amazing. Like an athlete. Can take on the world
    • No time for gym though as house to clean – brilliant exercise.
    • Get really stressed cleaning house as children follow me around wanting to play in each room that I am in.
    • Ignore pleas of ‘we love you and want to be close to you’ and put on DVD.
    • After picking up ninth Lego set off floor, give up and go to shops.
    • Forgot list and have no idea what goes in cakes.
    • Ring mum and ask what goes in cakes. She says flour, egg and something weird like caustic salt. Realise this is where I get my baking genius gene from.
    • Give up on cakes and buy Betty Crapper “just for idiotic mums” cake mix.
    • Come home and burn “just for idiotic mums” cakes.
    • Hide baskets of ironing on other side of bed from door.
    • Run around like a lunatic tidying, hovering and wiping chocolate idiotic fudge smudges off all surfaces before bell goes.
    • Fail miserably and give guests big glasses of wine and burnt cakes hoping they don’t notice while I run upstairs to clean toilet.
    • Order Chinese for everyone.

    Gym trips: 0
    Refreshed rating: 1
    Magic mummy style blog posts: 0
    Bum shots: Thankfully none but lots of pretend poo on faces pictures and one wrecked mobile phone.

    Day five

    The blog plan: Getting called into work for an emergency when having happy half term holiday fun

    • Get an emergency call into work as erm… something went wrong/they need me/sorry can’t explain got to go/see you all later
    • Leave children with husband, grab coffee and read a whole newspaper on train
    • Go to office and fix problem.

    The reality

    • Get to work and say hello to surprised colleagues.
    • Explain not at work and seeking asylum and the Geneva convention states they have to give me sanctuary.
    • Spend morning playing Pontoon.
    • Write this blog.
    • Visit Pret for lunch.
    • Spend afternoon on Facebook/Twitter.
    • Go gym on way home after supermarket shopping for nice food (no cheese strings).
    • Kiss gorgeous children as about to go to bed. Have bath scented cuddles and read stories.

    Gym trips: 1
    Refreshed rating: 10
    Magic mummy style (of a sort) blog post: 1
    Bum shots: None (result!)

    Happy holiday ya all!!!

    Gabe says: “Let’s ditch that crew. When are these losers back in school.”

    The Reading Residence

    10 Comments on Happy half term fun (or something like that)

    1. Lilinha Espindula
      November 3, 2013 at 8:45 pm (6 years ago)

      I know exactly what you mean. When you have kids, you plan something, but somethingy totally different happens. It was lovely reading your post, I hope you had a nice half term! #pocolo :) x

    2. Coombe Mill
      November 4, 2013 at 10:53 pm (6 years ago)

      Well it might not have been a holiday for you but the kids sounded like they had fun! A witty and entertaining post with lots of reality – thanks for linking up and sharing with Country Kids.

    3. theuncheshirewife
      November 5, 2013 at 2:25 pm (6 years ago)

      Loved reading that, very funny. Bums and trumps seem to find their way into everyday at our house too.

    4. complicatedgorgeousness
      November 6, 2013 at 12:54 pm (6 years ago)

      It feels like a distant memory now. Thankfully. At least at Christmas you do have refreshing and renewing school holidays – don't you?! xx

    5. Victoria Welton
      November 7, 2013 at 4:46 pm (6 years ago)

      Thank goodness I am not the only one whose plans for half term never go quite how you expect them! This is fab :) Thanks for linking to PoCoLo x

    6. Becky Willoughby
      November 9, 2013 at 9:55 am (6 years ago)

      What a fab post! Our half term was full on at Butlins so I hoped to recover this week and instead we all got a nasty bug and have been trapped at home… Kids and plans never go well together :-)

    7. Rachael (MushroomsMum)
      November 10, 2013 at 1:16 pm (6 years ago)

      Hilarious post! I only have one so can only imagine how stressful half-term can be with more… Sounds like some fun was had though in the end, followed by a well deserved rest for you at the end!

    8. Redpeffer
      April 10, 2014 at 10:09 am (6 years ago)

      Excellent. You know the answer-just don't bother planning! My big problem is that I'm a born planner so we have to stick to it otherwise we're all doomed. Not really, but I do,like to have a rough idea of what I'm doing otherwise I break out in a cold sweat :-) Thanks for sharing with #TheThemeGame

    9. The Reading Residence
      April 10, 2014 at 10:44 am (6 years ago)

      This has made me laugh! Sounds like the kids had fun anyway, even if it didn't quite go to plan! Thanks for sharing with #TheThemeGame x

    10. pixiedusk
      April 11, 2014 at 5:52 am (6 years ago)

      A fun read! haha thats why I dont plan anymore. I just get upset cuz they never materialize =P Again a fun post to read #TheThemeGame


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